When we perceive that an action will meet our needs, we are driven to take that action. If there’s anything you do that maybe others find difficult but that you love to do (and that you could do for hours), I can promise you it’s because you get a tremendous amount of certainty, variety, significance or uniqueness, connection, growth, and/or contribution from DOing it.
1. Certainty/Comfort
For most people, certainty equals survival. We all need a sense of certainty that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure. Some people try to achieve certainty by trying to control everything around them. (Sadly total control is merely a painful illusion.)
Here’s the paradox though. When a person becomes totally certain, when things are completely predictable, when you satiate this need, you become b-o-r-e-d. So while we want certainty, we simultaneously want a certain amount of …
2. Uncertainty/Variety
Everyone needs variety, a surprise, a challenge to feel fully alive and to experience fulfilment. With too much certainty we’re bored. Like-wise, with too much variety we become extremely fearful and concerned. We need a degree of certainty in our lives to experience the variety. There’s a delicate balance between these two needs that must be struck for us to feel truly fulfilled. Some people choose to get variety, to feel a change in their states or the way they feel by doing drugs or alcohol. Some people do it by watching movies. Others use stimulating conversation and/or go out and create new opportunities to learn.
3. Significance
We all have a need for significance, a sense that we are unique in some way, that we have special purpose and meaning for our lives.
Some people become unique by developing extreme problems that set them apart from others. Medical science has now proven that some people have developed the subconscious ability to make themselves ill in order to gain the caring attention of others.
Some people develop uniqueness by earning more money, having more toys, going to school and achieving more degrees. Or by dressing in a unique way, having a certain sense of style. OR we can choose to live a live of extraordinary service to others.
Paradoxically, in order to feel unique, we have to separate ourselves. If we feel totally unique, we feel different and separate, and this violates our need for …
4. Connection & Love
This includes feeling connected with yourSelf as well with others.
To meet this need, you can join a group or a club that has a positive purpose. Some individuals join a street gang so they can achieve the feeling of connection.
By aligning with your creator, and feeling like your being guided you can feel immediate connection.
Again, some people become ill in order to feel connected and loved. Some people will steal, do drugs, drink excess amounts of alcohol to feel a part of a group and a sense of connection. Others will perform at extraordinary levels in order to be accepted, loved, or connected to a high performance team. A simple thing to remember is, as with all other human needs, if you give consistently that which you wish to receive, you tend to get it back from others.
5. Growth
Growth equals life. On this planet, everything that is alive is either growing or dying. Growth is one of the two primary needs in life. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, how many people acknowledge you, what you’ve achieved in life; unless youfeel like you’re growing, you will very likely be unhappy and unfulfilled.
In addition, you must also experience the euphoria of meaningful …
6. Contribution
We all have a deep need to go beyond ourselves and to live a life that serves the greater good. It is in the moments that we do this that we experience true joy and fulfilment. Contributing to ourSelves is a meaningful action as well, for we cannot give to others what we do not have. A balance of contribution to oneSelf and others, especially unselfish anonymous contribution, is the ultimate secret to the joy that so many people wish to have in their lives.
It all starts with awareness – Which of the 6 human needs is driving your behavior in any particular moment? – you must become aware of WHY you’re doing what you’re doing now so that you can create a new pattern of fulfillment!
Dr Bill
