Good Morning Team – Our son Luke made “All Stars” only to have the Team lose their first game. There are many lessons to be learned from participating and watching sports.
During this season it was obvious that a pitcher who is “playing to win” feels comfortable walking a batter to load the bases. They are fine with trusting people and taking some calculated risks if it increases their chances of winning.
However, sometimes when a team has the lead they start to think about how not to lose instead of how to win. They hold on so tight to their lead that they start playing safe and scared. You can see it in their energy and body language. As a result the other team takes chances, plays with no fear and eventually gains the momentum and wins. We call this “going for it” or “doing whatever it takes”.
This is because people who “play not to lose,” are driven by their fear of getting hurt, fear of loss. They seek to hoard and “protect” themselves at all costs. They are very hesitant to trust other people and are focused on avoiding risks.
And yes there is a wide spectrum in between. I learned the hard way that a strategy solely focused on “playing not to lose” is more costly in the long run and makes it absolutely impossible to win. For me living in fear was a slow painful death. Compromise, concessions, and settling for less ALL erode the Spirit, relationships and bank accounts.
Being obsessed with protecting oneself from harm is a “negative” strategy, because it is focused on what you “don’t want” to happen. There is sufficient research from neuro-pyschology to show that this strategy actually draws the unwanted events to you, and helps you actually create the situation you’re seeking to avoid.
In summary; the paradox of playing to win or playing to “not lose” is this:
When you’re playing to “not lose”, the very best you can hope for is “not losing.” It is absolutely impossible to win when you’re playing to “not lose”…….and in the long run you lse way more than if you played to win.
When you’re playing to win, there is no such thing as “losing”; there are only learning experiences and the worst that can happen is that you keep playing…..and you gain so much more than the goals you started playing for.
Playing to win requires a commitment to yourself that even if you fail, you will never give up and never let your goals and dreams die. Those who play to win know that success is earned. It is pursued with all the energy, passion and excitement along with fear.
Obstacles and struggles are part of the journey and serve to test our commitment to our goals and to make us appreciate our success. If everything came easy we wouldn’t know what it felt like to truly succeed.
How are you choosing to play your business?, your life?
Live with Intention,
Dr Bill
About Dr Bill Toth
Bill’s Background
I’m just an average guy who’s learned a few things about Life, Success and Personal Development – thanks to some incredibly good and bad experiences during the past 25+ years. I’ve made many mistakes and have learned to combine down to earth values with a unique ability to distill complex concepts into simple powerful strategies which can be immediately applied to produce measurable results. In short;
“I’ve traveled the territory, drawn a few maps and I’m happy to share them”
I do not consider myself to be an “expert” and my work is never presented as the definitive doctrine on how you should live your life or what it takes to be successful in your business. I am a work in progress and if you were to you join me on life’s journey by hiring me as your coach or partnering with us in business – our learning will very likely be a two way street. In fact, I expect it to be.
“What you know dies with you – what you DO leaves a legacy”
I was raised in upstate New York and eastern Pennsylvania. This rural upbringing is strongly reflected in my personal value hierarchy: Faith > Family > Friends > Fitness and Finance.
Education and a commitment to continuous improvement are next on the list. All these and more are strongly reflected in my coaching, teaching, writing and speaking.
While growing my private practice I also taught Orthopedics and Neurology at both the undergraduate and graduate level, produced a TV show on fitness, appeared on numerous radio and TV programs, authored numerous journal articles, chapters for medical texts, served as vice-president of my state medical association, and started a family. I have had the honor and privilege of consulting with and coaching a diverse population of people from royalty to prisoners, from children to CEO’s, from amateur to professional athletes from 41 countries and people of almost every race, creed, religious belief and nationality.
I am passionately committed to contribution and Living With Intention. Part of my philosophy is to think globally while acting locally. I am a very active member of my church, as well as several community organizations. After church, my favorite philanthropy is the Nourish the Children. I have also performed extensive volunteer work for both the Anthony Robbins Foundation, and the Make a Wish Foundation.
Why become an Entrepreneur?
I became an entrepreneur because after 5 years of Health Care Reform I found I was merely an employee of the various insurance company’s I was interacting with. I became painfully aware I was working more hours for less money and that what I was doing wasn’t working!
At the same time my beautiful daughter, Casey, was born. This was the first time in my life I started to think about my future, and of course hers. When children come into your life, your perspective changes from Firebirds and Ferrari’s to Gymnastics, music lessons, horseback riding and so forth. Suddenly, I had to think longterm – was what I was doing going to provide all the things that a father wants for his children?
In October of 1998 I started my entrepreneurial endeavors on a very part time basis. Less than 3 months later my New Year’s Resolution was to put my practices up for sale. In May of 1999 I sold them and began to work on my dreams and my fortune on a full time basis. From there, it took me a full five years to get to the point where I could do whatever I wanted to do. Along the way I wrote my first book: “Morning Moments”…as well as learning a few things about money, transitioning careers and happiness. I am happy to share what I know, in short again;
“I’ve traveled the territory, drawn a few maps and I’m happy to share them”
In summary; Transitioning careers was the hardest challenge I’ve ever taken up and it’s been the most rewarding! In so many ways, this is the very best personal development seminar I’ve ever taken because I met mySelf and my wife in the process…and every perceived adversity was worth it.
Today, with my wife Julie, we “get to” pay the gift forward by coaching, mentoring others through the same process. There is no greater pleasure than showing others how to earn their freedom and then observing what good they do with it.
Life Will Never Be The Same
