DrBillToth-Blog

Good Morning Team – Our son Luke made “All Stars” only to have the Team lose their first game. There are many lessons to be learned from participating and watching sports.

During this season it was obvious that a pitcher who is “playing to win” feels comfortable walking a batter to load the bases. They are fine with trusting people and taking some calculated risks if it increases their chances of winning.

However, sometimes when a team has the lead they start to think about how not to lose instead of how to win. They hold on so tight to their lead that they start playing safe and scared. You can see it in their energy and body language. As a result the other team takes chances, plays with no fear and eventually gains the momentum and wins. We call this “going for it” or “doing whatever it takes”.

This is because people who “play not to lose,” are driven by their fear of getting hurt, fear of loss. They seek to hoard and “protect” themselves at all costs. They are very hesitant to trust other people and are focused on avoiding risks.

And yes there is a wide spectrum in between. I learned the hard way that a strategy solely focused on “playing not to lose” is more costly in the long run and makes it absolutely impossible to win. For me living in fear was a slow painful death. Compromise, concessions, and settling for less ALL erode the Spirit, relationships and bank accounts.

Being obsessed with protecting oneself from harm is a “negative” strategy, because it is focused on what you “don’t want” to happen. There is sufficient research from neuro-pyschology to show that this strategy actually draws the unwanted events to you, and helps you actually create the situation you’re seeking to avoid.

In summary; the paradox of playing to win or playing to “not lose” is this:

When you’re playing to “not lose”, the very best you can hope for is “not losing.” It is absolutely impossible to win when you’re playing to “not lose”…….and in the long run you lse way more than if you played to win.

When you’re playing to win, there is no such thing as “losing”; there are only learning experiences and the worst that can happen is that you keep playing…..and you gain so much more than the goals you started playing for.

Playing to win requires a commitment to yourself that even if you fail, you will never give up and never let your goals and dreams die. Those who play to win know that success is earned. It is pursued with all the energy, passion and excitement along with fear.
Obstacles and struggles are part of the journey and serve to test our commitment to our goals and to make us appreciate our success. If everything came easy we wouldn’t know what it felt like to truly succeed.

How are you choosing to play your business?, your life?

Live with Intention,
Dr Bill